Day 6.1: Zulu hour

_And here’s a play-by-play of how the wedding went:_

G2JJ5731s.jpg *2 PM* Arrive back at hotel room. Received irate “Where were you?!” call from Silverlotus. I assure her that the wedding is at 5 and my afternoon is still open and we can still, you know, get married, if she wants.

*3 PM* Called the front desk. I am looking for my dress shirt, which I sent to the rush laundry service two days ago. “Two days is rush in Mexico,” the concierge said.

*4:15 PM* Shirt arrives.

*4:30 PM* Call Shell and Woofer because I can’t get the cuff links into the cuffs of my shirt. We spent many minutes waxing philosophy about how to style my hair.

*5 PM* I’m dressed and heading toward the gazebo where the wedding will take place. Lots of cameras are going off.

*5:10 PM* The afternoon humidity is starting to take its toll. I’m rolling a cube of ice in my hands in an attempt to stay cool. Crowds of rubberneckers start to congregate on the walkways and balconies. Where is the woman??

*5:15 PM* Silverlotus arrives. Yes, she is late for our wedding. All guests abandon me to take pictures.

*5:45 PM* Ceremony was in Spanish and English. Four witnesses to sign official documents. We put in our thumbprints. We are now husband and wife! We imbibe in a bit of congratulatory sparkling wine, and then off to the photo shoots.

*5:50 PM* It starts raining.

*6:20 PM* A little dinner at the Brazilian restaurant, Nayarit. It’s named after the state the Riu is located in. Yes, we are actually a little bit over the border from Jalisco, and so the resort is Riu Jalisco and we still use Central Mountain Time like Vallarta and the rest of Jalisco.

*6:30 PM* They’re making us get up to the buffet to get salad. Including the bride, train and all!

*7:50 PM* All these feral kittens and cats just appeared outside the restaurant window. Half a dozen, maybe more, just staring at us. Apparently they’re strays who live in the resort. This is the first time I’ve seen them. Shell tosses them a bit of chicken, and one brave kitty steals a bit of it.

*8:30PM* Head to Silverlotus’s parent’s suite for a nice jacuzzi bath. Finally I can shed my satin portable oven – I mean, my tuxedo.

*10 PM* We head to the steakhouse for their specialty, the flaming coffee. It’s coffee, chocolate ice cream, and various liqueurs lit on fire.

P.S. Yes, our wedding DJ was called DJ Krusty.

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