Day 6.1: Zulu hour

_And here’s a play-by-play of how the wedding went:_

G2JJ5731s.jpg *2 PM* Arrive back at hotel room. Received irate “Where were you?!” call from Silverlotus. I assure her that the wedding is at 5 and my afternoon is still open and we can still, you know, get married, if she wants.

*3 PM* Called the front desk. I am looking for my dress shirt, which I sent to the rush laundry service two days ago. “Two days is rush in Mexico,” the concierge said.

*4:15 PM* Shirt arrives.

*4:30 PM* Call Shell and Woofer because I can’t get the cuff links into the cuffs of my shirt. We spent many minutes waxing philosophy about how to style my hair.

*5 PM* I’m dressed and heading toward the gazebo where the wedding will take place. Lots of cameras are going off.

*5:10 PM* The afternoon humidity is starting to take its toll. I’m rolling a cube of ice in my hands in an attempt to stay cool. Crowds of rubberneckers start to congregate on the walkways and balconies. Where is the woman??

*5:15 PM* Silverlotus arrives. Yes, she is late for our wedding. All guests abandon me to take pictures.

*5:45 PM* Ceremony was in Spanish and English. Four witnesses to sign official documents. We put in our thumbprints. We are now husband and wife! We imbibe in a bit of congratulatory sparkling wine, and then off to the photo shoots.

*5:50 PM* It starts raining.

*6:20 PM* A little dinner at the Brazilian restaurant, Nayarit. It’s named after the state the Riu is located in. Yes, we are actually a little bit over the border from Jalisco, and so the resort is Riu Jalisco and we still use Central Mountain Time like Vallarta and the rest of Jalisco.

*6:30 PM* They’re making us get up to the buffet to get salad. Including the bride, train and all!

*7:50 PM* All these feral kittens and cats just appeared outside the restaurant window. Half a dozen, maybe more, just staring at us. Apparently they’re strays who live in the resort. This is the first time I’ve seen them. Shell tosses them a bit of chicken, and one brave kitty steals a bit of it.

*8:30PM* Head to Silverlotus’s parent’s suite for a nice jacuzzi bath. Finally I can shed my satin portable oven – I mean, my tuxedo.

*10 PM* We head to the steakhouse for their specialty, the flaming coffee. It’s coffee, chocolate ice cream, and various liqueurs lit on fire.

P.S. Yes, our wedding DJ was called DJ Krusty.

Day 6: The big day

_The following is from my journal from our wedding trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for Wednesday, Sept. 28th_:

138%20The%20Model%20Sleeps.jpgAnd what better to start the final hours of single-dom but to bug out to downtown Puerto Vallarta? Woofer, Shell, JK and I booked a taxi and made our way to the town a dozen kilometres northeast of our resort.

We saw a lot of cars with custom rims. I don’t know why they are so popular. I even saw a vintage VW Beetle with what looked like 21″ dubs.

Another distinctly unique PVR experience: someone asking JK if he “wanted a man”. Vallarta has a big gay population. A monolithic cruise ship came into the harbour today, which meant the vendors would be particularly pushy. Judging from the cat calls “Are you from San Diego?”, “Do you like San Francisco?”, etc., I’m guessing the cruise liner is bringing hundreds of Americanos with their green money.

What we did come for was three things: homegrown premium tequila (fortunately price-controlled), cigarillos, and some Internet access. I had two minutes to check my Gmail and ISP. After nearly a week away from the keyboard, I was surprised I still remembered how to type. 😉

We headed back to the Riu via city bus. As a busker sang “Stand By Me” in the back, I sat in a bakelite molded bench while staring at a giant sticker admonishing me to “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” and a replica stained glass vignette of a bleeding Jesus.

P.S. There is a Hooters directly across the street from City Hall.