Heyyy pepto bismol

“Yeah, we’ve got a lot of people doing diarrhea. I mean, diarrhea is big.”

Bill Gates on the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation’s Global Health program, dedicated to finding therapies and vaccines to disease in the Third World. Interview from Scientific American, June 2004.

“Don’t eat spinach, the calcium will make you all constipated. By the time you are 40 years old you’ll have hemorrhoids from sitting on the toilet for too long.”

my mom, self-appointed medical expert

“There are two things you can do if you have a mad crush on a boy, you can ask him to propose marriage and if he won’t, then beat him up, then send him to an island, then surround the island with huge rocks so that he can’t escape, then send him Valentine’s cards that say ‘I HATE YOU!’ but if he does propose marriage then you can kiss him and marry him and move into an apartment and have a baby and bake him a cake that says ‘YOU ARE MY FAVOURITE BOYFRIEND’ in the icing.”

told to Eric Lippert by 8-year-old relationship specialist “Heather”, as recounted in What I Did On My Summer Vacation